When you are an older woman and a relationship ends I think it comes with its own unique issues. I am an older woman and I have some wonderful older women friends, several who have had marriages or long term relationships end. I divorced just as I was turning fifty. As well in my practice I worked with many women who were middle age and beyond who were in ending relationships. Perhaps what resonates with older women is that their life is in a much different stage than when they were younger. Mary Pipher who is a writer refers to women who are growing older as “women rowing north”. Because our culture tends to devalue aging and especially women who are aging, having a relationship end may feel especially frightening and sad. While it may still be frightening some women in this life stage who have decided to end a relationship may feel that they want what time they have to live to be lived on their terms.
One issue that is often present for women is the impact aging has on their bodies and their “attractiveness”. So often instead of focusing on how life has made us richer, we focus on the loss of youth. In this culture it is very difficult to not absorb the messages about how we should look and how we should not age. As hard as it may be to accept, aging is going to happen. It is going to happen and it comes with a range of changes to ourselves emotionally and physically. I too struggle with this. I do not know of any older women who do not. Wouldn’t it be so much better if we could accept that we are going to age and see the opportunities and possibilities in growing older? When I turned fifty and was newly divorced I could not imagine new people or experiences coming into my life, but in time when I was ready they did. If you are an older woman who is in an ending relationship I invite you to visualize yourself as that woman who has been enriched and grown in wisdom over the years rowing north towards life’s possibilities.