Often we are searching for someone to complete us because we do not feel complete or whole on our own. We are under the illusion that if we just find the “right person” all will be well and we will feel happy and complete. We may feel that we have been carrying around a hole in ourselves for a long time. This sense of not feeling complete often comes from our past from an old hurt or a sense of loss. Needless to say when we base a relationship on this it almost always ends up in hurt and disappointment as well as leading to conflict in the relationship. When we look to someone else to fill in the “holes” we have then given them the responsibility to “heal” us. This can be quite an emotional burden. When the other person does not come through for us in the way we feel we need, the original hurt or loss tends to be compounded. We can compliment one another, we can be our partner’s best friend and give support and understanding, but we can not be completed or complete another human being to make a whole. I have found that it is up to us to connect with ourselves and know that we are complete and whole on our own regardless of the “holes” that we may feel. This means being kind, gentle, and forgiving to ourselves and looking within and not outside of ourselves. This is not easy work, but it is usually rewarding work. It can be that a good therapist would be helpful in this process. A good therapist can not “heal” you, but she or he can guide you in listening to and understanding yourself as you move towards feeling and knowing that you are enough, you are complete.