Sometimes we are in a relationship with someone who appears one way to the outside world and a different way in the privacy of a relationship. We all may do this to a certain extent in terms of feeling safer to express ourselves in the privacy of our home. This is normal. However, in some relationships the difference between the public self and private self is extreme. I have worked with many women who say their partners are highly regarded, liked, and respected within the workplace and community, but at home are verbally demeaning and controlling. This can be “crazy” making for the woman and it is not unusual for her to think that something is wrong with her or she is not doing enough in the relationship. This situation often cause a great deal of self doubt in terms of trusting oneself about what one is experiencing and feeling. Often added to this is one’s partner saying that you are “over reacting, you too sensitive, etc.” As you review your relationship(s) look to see if your partner was congruent, in other words was your partner the same person in their interactions with people outside of the relationship as they were in the privacy of your relationship. In relationships that are healthy there is consistency in behavior in the private and public self.