Messages We Internalize
It is important and useful to take an inventory of the messages we have heard through the years and how we have internalized them. This can be especially important as we go through the ending of a relationship. When we hear and take in messages about what it means to be female, to be in a relationship, etc. we often abandon our own sense of self and adopt and internalize the messages as though they are true. Many of these messages come from our culture, subculture, and from our families of origin. This process starts early in our lives. Studies indicate that little girls go from feeling strong with limitless possibilities when they are young girls ( think of an eight year old girl with her hands on her hips wearing a superhero cape) to being subjected as a pre-teen to the message of “be nice, kind, and pretty”. For most women these messages follow us through our lives. When we are beginning to have relationships we are bombarded with messages about how to look and act to secure a relationship. When we are in a relationship we are then bombarded with “how to keep the relationship”. When we become wives and mothers we are told this is the most fulfilling role we can have and when we don’t feel that way 24/7 we feel guilty. As we age we are given the message that we need to avoid aging at all costs using botox or surgery to “look younger”. The overriding message is that we are not good enough the way we are. To me the most poignant aspect is that we so often turn away from our own inner authentic self and truths. Instead of being guided by our own wisdom, we internalize and act upon an outside message and lose parts of ourselves in the process. You may want to take some time and write down messages you have received through the years and see how they have impacted you. Discard those you never needed or do not need now. In an another blog we will look at ways to let go of these powerful messages. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you do this. Listen to your own wisdom about who you are and are becoming for you are strong with limitless possibilities.