I have learned over the years that any time I try to control a situation when it involves people it never works. I am pretty sure that each of us has been under the illusion that we can change someone. Women are particularly susceptible to this concept and it goes as follows: “If I just love enough, give more, be nicer my partner will love me, stop drinking, be good to me, come back.” Often we spend time thinking of how we can get the relationship to go in the direction that we want. We dream up scenarios in which we get the outcome we desire. In my experience in working with women this rarely if ever works. What we can control is ourselves. Our choices are really about how we choose to respond to a situation. The truth is that we can not orchestrate the life of another person to achieve what we want. Look carefully to see if you are attempting to control for something that you can not. It is actually freeing to realize that you do not need to expend energy on trying to control someone or something that you can not. This gives you the space and energy to focus on the choices that you do have.